ineke.co.uk

Cinema trip yesterday. I have sad news about Pick & Mix pic.twitter.com/RODrciuZXV

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 6, 2020

Why let that stop you 😂 🦀 https://t.co/CB1jddZXak

— Scott Mills (@scott_mills) September 6, 2020

Follow your heart, kids. pic.twitter.com/1VVoVybWsg

— Terry TB Brown™️ (@TBrown_80) September 6, 2020

Even if your name is Cristiano Ronaldo, you are not above the mask law in Portugal 😂 pic.twitter.com/jIQzHN29Ox

— Footy Humour (@FootyHumour) September 5, 2020

The short answer, having spoke to a lot of immunologists etc is, we don’t know what’s going to happen. We don’t. It is 100% not getting weaker or less virulent however. That’s the most dangerous assumption. We are getting better at immediate treatment on some level.

— Trent of Trunkman (@TrunkmanUK) September 6, 2020

Man blows up part of his house in France while trying to swat a flyhttps://t.co/mw1YAWU8mI

— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) September 6, 2020

Djokovic disqualified from the US Open for hitting a line judge in the face with a tennis ball pic.twitter.com/mpafwm1ODL

— Dan Walker (@mrdanwalker) September 6, 2020

In the entire history of Catchphrase, did anyone ever go through the M square diagonally?

— Jay Foreman (@jayforeman) September 6, 2020

What a sold out crowd looks like now. THANK YOU. pic.twitter.com/cvE8YMpxMw

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) September 6, 2020

The fact that there’s a huge rumour going round that Art Attack legend, Neil Buchanan, is actually Banksy is one of the only good things to have happened this year.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 7, 2020

Neil Buchanan has denied that he is Banksy but, quite frankly, that is exactly what Banksy would say if someone accused them of being Banksy.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 7, 2020

I’m afraid this is true, yes. https://t.co/8Y8V2Nc87S

— Mark Watson (@watsoncomedian) September 7, 2020

Yes Neil Buchanan Kreates Secret Art

Y N B K S A

B A N K S Y

🧐

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 7, 2020

If my doctor tells me to eat less cheese cos it lowers my cholesterol, I’ll do it. If my Physio tells me to swim more often cos it helps my back, I’ll do it. If the Chief Medical Officer has an opinion on how to deal with Covid, I listen. Cos they probably know more than me.

— Adam Hills (@adamhillscomedy) September 7, 2020

Probably worth trying to stop a second spike or there will be another lockdown which will be pretty bad for the economy too. Seeing as we’re ignoring the death part. https://t.co/tffftK49mi

— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) September 7, 2020

They lied. https://t.co/iOUFKSouFO

— Chris Bryant (@RhonddaBryant) September 7, 2020

My friend sent me this and I intend to live my life by it now. It does mean I need to have two pints with each of you, so please indicate your availability below.

(*will also need to find a puppy) pic.twitter.com/ckuaqa72np

— S J Watson (@SJ_Watson) September 7, 2020

that's years of evolutionary adaptation due to the lack of pockets in most women's clothes https://t.co/1icBkmF2kT

— 乐正博 keith (@ElChicoPocoLoco) August 29, 2020

I had this thought yesterday. I expect it's already happening, but here we go.

You know BIG shops, like Tesco etc. have loyalty cards.

Is there a way they can give you an option to donate those loyalty points for food to local food banks, instead of having the dosh yourself?

— Big Green Bookshop (@Biggreenbooks) September 8, 2020

Social gatherings of more than six people to be banned in England from Monday. It’s lucky the coronavirus is obviously having a few days off infecting and killing people between now and Monday so that people can still meet up in bigger groups until then. Oh.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 8, 2020

1740: Britannia rules the waves.
2020: Britannia waives the rules.

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) September 8, 2020

if i were shania twain, i would tweet “let’s go girls” every single morning for the rest of my life

— liz maupin (@LizMaupin) September 7, 2020

Would also appear that @BorisJohnson LinkedIn profile has clumsily‘omitted’ the period when he ‘worked’, for @thetimes newspaper… before he was sacked for ‘fabricating’ stories… I’m sure this is merely an ‘oversight’ … pic.twitter.com/9AWh8dSR5M

— David (@DavidLaPew) September 1, 2020

Pro tip: if you join or suddenly start updating your LinkedIn just before bonus or salary review time it sends a nice signal to your boss/HR that you’re looking around. https://t.co/wKp6rmnC3g

— Sharon O'Dea (@sharonodea) September 1, 2020

So C19 is less dangerous for people in groups if they are making or spending money? Cash seems to have a strong antiviral effect. Maybe thread some elastic through a £20 note and wear that over your face?

— Joel Morris (@gralefrit) September 9, 2020

Things England can't do from Monday …

Have an S Club 7 reunion
Throw Snow White a birthday party without offending a couple of people
Attend netball practice
Make an agreement under international law without breaking it pic.twitter.com/USmphiqRA5

— The Poke (@ThePoke) September 9, 2020

Anyone else keep smiling at people, get annoyed that they aren’t smiling back and then remember you are wearing a face mask?
Just me then. 🙈😂

— Phil Knox (@philknox) September 9, 2020

Them: how’s quarantine going?
Cat lovers:

(Sound on) pic.twitter.com/G0KprnHRzW

— Emilee (@ourshieldmaiden) September 7, 2020

Congratulations to the two lads who sneakily ruined my best piece to camera from a recent filming assignment in Germany. Honestly I’m not even mad, this is inspired. Didn’t even spot it until in the edit. 👏 👏 👏 😂 pic.twitter.com/V7xtb7Fapx

— Joe Tidy (@joetidy) September 11, 2020

Saw a job advert for worship leader
who must have ‘extensive experience and high skill’ at all instruments related to worship at the church ‘including vocals, guitar, bass guitar, drums and keyboard in order to train others’ & imagining a sort of Bert character pic.twitter.com/6cf0iRu0fi

— Madeleine Davies (@MadsDavies) September 11, 2020

In today's episode of "Yes, that's maths"

Yes, that's maths pic.twitter.com/UIX6PNqMYP

— Chris PG/𝙋𝙖𝙥𝙖𝙂𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙘𝙝 (@_Papaglitch_) September 11, 2020

That heart-stopping moment when you hear on BBC1 ‘.. and now the news with Simon McCoy’ – and you’re watching at home 100 miles away #Eek

— Simon McCoy (@SimonMcCoyTV) September 10, 2020

It happened! It wasn’t a nightmare… pic.twitter.com/FeDIOIqLWq

— Simon McCoy (@SimonMcCoyTV) September 10, 2020

.@BBCSimonMcCoy really summing up the 2020 mood here… @DeptDefence pic.twitter.com/lG4OcNVcUr

— Jimmy Cannon ACS (@jacannon) August 4, 2020